the unChef presents…..Protein Explosion Square Meatballs

the video for this one is a bit short since I was in a hurry, but it gets the point across (and has some unnecessarily dramatic music, so what’s not to love?):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym1eBphZx4M&feature=channel_video_title

Ingredients:

Chicken

Bacon

Ground Beef

Cheddar Cheese

Olive oil

Pearl Onions

Garlic

Seasonings (lemon pepper, basil, parsley, tony’s, etc)

Breadcrumbs

Eggs

Step 1: Dice the onions and garlic and set them heating in olive oil.

Step 2: Chop the chicken up into small cubes, add it to the onions and garlic, and season to taste with various tasty seasonings.

Step 3: Cook your bacon. If you like it crispy, let it cook a little longer. If you prefer it less crispy, don’t cook it as long. Leave the bacon grease in the pan (that’s always a fun thing to write).

Step 4: Flatten out a small patty of ground beef and lay a little chicken, bacon, and cheese into the center. Fold the edges over and roll until all the filling is wrapped up tight. Mold the meatball into a square. It should look like a chicken, bacon, cheese Christmas present with ground beef wrapping paper (and it will taste like the best present you could possibly get).

Step 5:  Fry the meatballs in the bacon grease until they are thoroughly cooked through, making sure to cook on each side of the square so you aren’t left with raw meat.

Step 6 (note: this is a VERY important step that I only realized AFTERWARDS): Wrap the meatballs with paper towel and gently squeeze to get rid of the excess greece. If you neglect this step, each bite you take will fill your mouth with greece—something that makes for a very unpleasant dining experience.

Step 7: Do some pushups to convert all that protein into beautiful muscle.

the unChef presents…

Popcorn Excellentio!

Here is today’s video on how to make the most delicious, fresh, crispy popcorn you could ever imagine. Disclaimer: something happened to the audio at the end, so it’s not exactly synced up with the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHHd3rMlRu8

Second disclaimer: the unChef is not responsible if you turn your kitchen into a popcorn factory. I’ve seen it happen before…don’t underestimate the power of the popcorn.

Ingredients: 

1. Oil (Coconut oil is magical)

2. GOOD QUALITY popcorn kernels (believe me…I’ve tried the store brand and they’re not nearly as fresh)

3. A pot with a lid

4. A hand towel

5. Seasonings (Parmesan cheese, salt, pepper, etc.)

6. 1 tbls (or more!) of butter

Simple Directions:

-Heat your oil for about 30 seconds on 3/4 heat.

-Pour in kernels until they cover the bottom of the pot

-Cover the pot with the lid and towel

-As soon as you hear the popcorn begin to pop, shake the pot. This will help keep the unpopped kernels on the bottom and the popped ones from being burnt

-Once you hear the popcorn stop popping, remove it from the stove top at once! Pour it into a bowl

-Melt the butter in the pot and, using a spatula to scrape any leftover butter/oil off the sides and bottom. Pour this delicious flavor explosion over the popcorn

-Add seasonings and stir. The butter will help them stick to the popcorn, making for an even MORE delicious experience

-Enjoy your heart out

the unChef presents…

the most delicious breakfast you ever wrapped in a pancake

I’ve decided to neglect my usual video format and replace it with lovely pictures. This embodies the essence of the breakfast burrito pancake: simple, elegant, intense.

Ingredients:

- Your Favorite Buttermilk Pancake Recipe

- 1 egg

- 1 piece of bacon

- honey/syrup

Step 1: Get out everything you need and make your pancake batter.

Step 2: If you don’t have buttermilk, mix 2 cups of milk with 2 tbsp of vinegar

Step 3: Make a pancake. Make it fluffy. Make it delicious

Step 4: Cook your bacon & eggs and chop them up small

Step 5: Neatly place the bacon & eggs on top of your divine pancake. Drizzle honey/syrup over the mixture.

Step 6: Fold over the edges of your pancake until you have an ultimate breakfast burrito. 

Step 7: Chow down like you mean it.

the unChef presents….

Peanut Butter Honey Brown Sugar Glazed Chicken

with

Monstrously Delicious Vegetables!

Watch this helpful instructional video before you begin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVhlGstmE2M

Ingredients:

Chicken of some kind

Italian seasoning

Lemon pepper

Vegetables (peas, corn, carrots, etc)

Peanut butter (honey roasted if you can get it)

Honey

Brown sugar

Tasty intuition

Coconut/Olive oil

Sweet onions

Disclaimer:

You may have noticed I didn’t include measurements for any of the ingredients listed above. That is because this recipe is one where a keen intuition replaces scientific exactitude. If there doesn’t look like you have sprinkled enough seasoning on the vegetables, you probably didn’t. If it appears you don’t have enough peanut butter for your sauce, you probably don’t.

That being said, here are the directions:

1. Chop up some onions and sauté them with a bit of olive oil and coconut oil on a medium heat.
2. Mix in vegetables and stir until beautifully cooked. Add Italian seasonings and lemon pepper until the flavors are perfect.
3. Cook your chicken (or heat it up if it’s precooked) BEFORE making your sauce. As illustrated by the video, it is very important to cook your chicken first because if you do not, when you burn your sauce, there is nothing to put it on.
4. Mix a little olive oil with a couple of scoops of peanut butter. After the peanut butter melts a bit, drizzle honey and brown sugar on top. Use your tasty intuition to determine how much honey/brown sugar is enough and stir. DO NOT let this sauce cook for too long or it will start to burn.
5. Plate your food and enjoy with gusto!

The  UnChef Presents….

Perfect French Fries!

 Click on the link for a step-by-step instructional (and very informative!) video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx6GIZwoS28

Ingredients:

4 Strips of Bacon

Tony Chachere’s Original Creole Seasoning

Sunflower/Olive Oil

1 Russet Potato (sweet potatoes work too!)

White and Brown Sugar

Water

Directions:

1. Begin by frying the strips of bacon in a pan. Once most of the fat has cooked out, remove the bacon strips from your pan and pour the fat into a bowl. Mix in Sunflower Oil, Olive Oil, and Seasonings (be liberal with them!) until you have enough to cover the pan evenly with about ¾ in. of oil (if you wanted to put more oil, that’s fine too…but I like to keep my recipes economically friendly).

2. Scrub your potato thoroughly and make thin, even slices until the whole potato is cut into French Fry shapes.

3. Soak the potatoes in a cold water/white sugar solution for 15 minutes.

4. Pre-heat your oil to about 325 degrees and dry off the potatoes. Drop in enough potato strips to cover the bottom of the pan but don’t put too many. French Fries don’t like to be overcrowded!

5. Sprinkle a little brown sugar over the fries and let them cook for two minutes.

6. Remove the fries, let them sit for 10 minutes (a perfect time to cook your second batch), raise your heat to about 375 degrees and put the fries back into the pan.

7. Let the fries cook until golden/dark brown (more or less color depending on your tastes) and remove. After drying excess oils, your fries are ready to eat as soon as they are cool enough!

8. Enjoy or your efforts were pointless.

Are you ready to “cook”?

Welcome friends, to the recipes of the Un-Chef.

I am a boy: one half ex-barista, the other half musician. Creating things is a passion of mine and I’ve decided that food should not be an exception. This blog is designed for others like me who are absolute simpletons in the kitchen. Together, we can overcome the hurdles technical “flavor profiles” and conventional cooking place in our way and truly experience taste bud bliss.

Each week, I will take you on a magical journey that will include explosions of flavor so intense they will leave many of you ecstatic with delight. Others, however, will not be so lucky. When they try to recreate these tasty masterpieces, they will weep with despair as their stomach refuses to accept the burnt offering they present.

Alright. Perhaps I’m exaggerating a little. Or a lot more than a little. Perhaps none of you will even continue reading this blog after I reveal some of the secret recipes that have changed my life including the following delicacies:

-Starbucks Hot Chocolate Powdered Fresh Popcorn

-Brown Sugar Honey Glazed Chicken

-Soy Sauce Mozzarella Scrambled Eggs

-Bacon & Cheddar Infused Hamburger

If you’re all smart kids and paying close attention, you most likely noticed one of the dishes listed does not quite sound as fantastic as the others. If you caught on, good job! That is certainly NOT one of my proudest culinary memories. If you didn’t catch it, you will definitely enjoy this food blog much more than others.

I cannot guarantee every dish I present will look presentable, smell divine, or even taste like food. Nevertheless, I can guarantee that there will be some fantastic flavor combinations and everything I make will either prove to be a fabulous hit or something you know to avoid the next time you visit your Great Grandma Sally’s house for Sunday brunch.

But in all seriousness, I warn you:

From here on out, create these masterpieces at your own risk.